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Interview with Celeste Paulette Boudreau, Character From “Rubicon Ranch: Secrets”

RRBookThreemidsizeRubicon Ranch is a collaborative and innovative crime serialization set in the fictional desert community of Rubicon Ranch and is being written online by authors of Second Wind Publishing. Celeste Boudreau is the creation of Dellani Oakes.

Who are you?

Celeste Paulette Boudreau, though I wasn’t born with that name.

Where do you live?

I just moved to Rubicon Ranch.

What is your problem in the story?

I’ve got a secret I’m desperately trying to hide.

What is your secret?

If I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore, would it?

What do you think of yourself?

I’m more dangerous than I seem. People see the outrageous wigs and the colorful skirts and don’t see past them to who I really am. Deep down, I’m not the colorful, flighty psychic. I’m much more than that.

What are your achievements?

I’m a psychic – a real one. Not one of these smoke and mirrors types. I see things in dreams, I know things about people that they would rather I not know. I have secrets of my own that would put theirs to shame. These imitation soothsayers make me sick. They wander around pretending to have spirit guides and hear the secrets of the universe. If they spent an hour in my mind, they’d see what real spirit guides are like. You think they’re warm and fuzzy? They aren’t. They don’t care if they jerk me out of whatever I’m doing to tell me something they think I should know. I’ve nearly been in three car accidents because of them.

What I wouldn’t give to be normal, just for one day. There are people who call this thing I do a gift. It’s not a gift, it’s a damn curse. And try to make money at it! People think you’re crazy or a fake and they won’t listen, no matter what you say. Idiots.

Do you talk about your achievements or do you keep them to yourself?

My achievements make people laugh. They don’t believe them. When I say that I’ve been instrumental in solving three homicides, they ask why I didn’t help on the ones in Rubicon Ranch. Well, cause no one asked me. I’ve gone to that idiot of a sheriff more than once with my visions. He threatened to have me arrested for contaminating a crime scene and obstructing justice. Is it my fault that the ghost of the dead woman possessed me and made me walk around like a lunatic while she spouted some nonsense about who killed her? She didn’t even see the man! That case is still unsolved – but that’s not my fault. I tried to help and they won’t believe me that it was her scumbag neighbor. Pervert, that’s what he is. One day, he’ll get killed and just see if I’ll help out on that one.

Do you have any special strengths?

Yes, I’m a psychic. I’m a damn good one too. And no, I can’t tell you the winning lotto numbers or how your mother likes the afterlife. It doesn’t work like that. I can’t just summon it for answers. If people tell you they can, they’re lying. This is unpredictable as the weather.

I’m also a damn good liar.

Do you have any skills?

You mean besides divining the future and being ignored? Yeah, I’m really good at telling stupid people what they want to hear. I’ve been a psychic advisor on TV and radio. I even was on the Psychic Phone Network when I first got my powers. I thought I could really help people, but you know what? Those morons don’t want the truth. They want platitudes. When you tell them the truth, then you get sued.

What makes you happy?

The bottom of a gin bottle after I’ve drunk my way to the bottom.

What are you afraid of?

You want a list? So many things, I can’t possibly tell you all of them. Let’s start with that creepy “guide” who showed up when I was talking to Ward Preminger and won’t go away. I think I’m being haunted by the ghost of Morris Sinclair. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

What makes you sad?

I don’t have time to be sad. Being sad doesn’t get you anywhere. It doesn’t matter what you do, where you go or who you say you are, you can’t escape some things. Sadness doesn’t help with that.

What was your childhood like?

I was born with the ability to see things about people. I could sense auras before I knew what they were. I could get an accurate read on a person just by touching them. No one in my family understood. They thought I was crazy, some called me a witch. We moved a lot because after awhile, someone would find out about me. Someone tried to abduct me once because of my powers. Because I could sense that, I got away before they could catch me. My life got even more interesting when my other abilities surfaced at fourteen.

What is your favorite music?

I love Thin Lizzy, Gary Moore, Pink Floyd.. Don’t give me any of that wonky, new age crap. I only listen to that when there are clients around. Classic rock all the way.

What is your favorite item of clothing? Why?

I love my wigs. They express who I am trying to be.

If you were stranded on a desert island, would you rather be stranded with, a man or a woman?

I’d like to be by myself. Maybe then I’d get a little peace.

How do you envision your future?

Pick one – I can envision yours, mine, the dog next door…..


Click here to read: Rubicon Ranch: Secrets ~ Chapter 4: Celeste Boudreau — by Dellani Oakes


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A Never-Before-Seen Interview with the Hero of Love Trumps Logic by Lucy Balch

Here’s a never-before-seen interview with the hero of Love Trumps Logic, Lord Albert Beaumont, taken from The Grosvenor Square Weekly News. Basil Mallinson is the interviewer.

Mallinson: How did you meet the lovely Miss Fairmont?

Lord Albert: At a garden party I almost didn’t attend. I don’t like to think what might have happened if we hadn’t met. If it weren’t for her, my leg would have been amputated.

Mallinson: Very fortunate! Was it love at first sight?

Lord Albert: Speaking for myself, yes.

Mallinson: What about Miss Fairmont?

Lord Albert: I can only speak for myself.

Mallinson: But I heard that she was briefly engaged to Lord Featherstone. His aunt leaked the information even though the banns were never read. Was there any contention between you and Lord Featherstone over that broken engagement?

Lord Albert: None to speak of. They were really more like business partners, working on homeopathic remedies and such.

Mallinson: Plus you were convalescing from your broken leg when she ended the engagement. He couldn’t exactly challenge you to a duel under those circumstances, could he? …  I apologize ahead of time for the silliness, but my niece has stipulated that, if I ever managed to interview you, I must ask you certain questions that she and her friends are dying to know. May I?

Lord Albert: It depends on the questions.

Mallinson: Of course, and I can assure you there is nothing objectionable. Only silliness. For instance, what is your favorite color?

Lord Albert: If I had to pick one, green.

Mallinson: Your favorite scent?

Lord Albert: I’m not sure … the thing of it is: Miss Fairmont makes her own oils, and I’d be hard pressed to pick a favorite. She has the remarkable ability to perfectly match the right one to each day’s temperature and humidity changes.

Mallinson: She makes her own oils?

Lord Albert: Plants and herbal tinctures are definite hobbies. She has a healer’s instinct as well.

Mallinson: Fascinating! Do you have any favorite hobbies?

Lord Albert: I rather enjoy writing poems, I’ve discovered. At least, I do if the subject is inspiring. But I usually enjoy whatever the day brings me, particularly if it involves Miss Fairmont’s company.

Mallinson: You certainly are in love! Who would have thought it? Less than a year ago you were involved with Daphne Tarkington. Do you think that the fiasco of that relationship made you realize you were ready to settle down?

Lord Albert: No. I fell in love with Miss Fairmont because of Miss Fairmont. It had nothing at all to do with my previous relationships.

Mallinson: What drew you to Daphne Tarkington in the first place? You obviously regretted it, since you ended the relationship faster than any of your previous ones.

Lord Albert: I’m not answering that, Mallinson. Now, if you’ll excuse me—

Mallinson: But it’s true—is it not?—that you broke with her because of her nastiness? And some gossip corners say that your broken leg and her need for revenge are somehow related.

Lord Albert: This is exactly the reason why I usually don’t grant interviews. Goodbye, Mallinson.

Mallinson: But if it’s not true, why not simply deny it?

Lord Albert: My denial will not stop the gossips. They will say what they wish, whenever they wish. Whatever sells the most papers will make the headline, even if it’s rubbish.

Mallinson: So you’re saying it’s rubbish? That she didn’t hire someone to break your leg?

Lord Albert: I’m saying that you could be sued for slander if you publish that theory without proper proof. Good day, Mallinson.

Mallinson: Look! Here comes Miss Fairmont! Thank you for your time, Lord Albert. May I ask your fiancée a few questions as well?

Lord Albert: She can speak for herself, but I believe we’re already late for our appointment at the glove-makers.

Mallinson: Miss Fairmont, do you have a minute to answer a few questions?

Miss Fairmont: A few questions in only one minute? They must require a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’

Mallinson: Did you fall in love with Lord Albert at first sight?

Miss Fairmont: ‘Love at first sight’ is not a gold standard, Mr. Mallinson. I fell in love with Beau as each facet of his personality was revealed to me, and as I realized that he has far greater depths than the papers would make everyone believe.

Mallinson: Was Lord Featherstone’s heart broken when you ended that engagement?

Miss Fairmont: Not at all. (Turning to her fiancé) How long did it take him to become engaged again? Two months?

Mallinson: I don’t wish to delay you any further, but what oil are you wearing today, Miss Fairmont? It smells wonderful and I’m sure that my niece would like to know.

Miss Fairmont: A mixture of bergamot and rosemary.

Mallinson: Thank you for your time, both of you, and best wishes for a wonderful wedding. I hear it will be spectacular.

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