Author Archives: theonlybolt

The Idiot-Proof Guide to Being an Idiot- Chelsea Bolt

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What did I do yesterday? I jumped off a rock, flailed for 16 feet, and dove into some (shallower than expected) water. Why? Probably because I’m an idiot. Is that okay? Sometimes. Being an idiot is something that has its benefits and downfalls, like most personality traits. Also, thank God I survived that. Falling with style.

The best way to be an idiot is to be an aware idiot. Own up to it. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. If you know that you’re an idiot, you can choose which idiotic traits are preferable or help you survive the mundane day-to-day we are expected to thrive in. This means that you pick and choose your stupid moves. Don’t jump out in traffic. Do try to wear your Halloween costume the entire month of October. See the difference?

How can you use your idiocy for good and not evil? I’m glad you asked. This has two answers. One is for the benefit of your own happiness and to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. I would have never talked to a guy about turkeys for ten minutes unless I was an idiot. Maybe that was a bad example, but you get the idea. The other answer is to share some excitement and goofiness with others in an otherwise dreary world. Be that person who encourages others to take that chance and love life a little more.

Chelsea Bolt is an Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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The Benefits (and Costs) of Being the Funny One: Chelsea Bolt

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Are you or a loved one “the funny one”? If so, take a minute to read about the rewards and consequences.

PRO: Everyone thinks that you’re hilarious

Excellent. You have them eating out of your hand. The joy of the snickering in the desk behind you validates the witty remark you made in class. Laughter is no longer a fear, but a fuel that encourages you to be the funniest person alive. SNL my audition tape is on the way.

CON: Nobody wants to take you seriously

No, I am not ironically talking about film, history, or literature. I want to have an intellectual conversation with you. Please stop staring at me with a weird look on your face. Wait, no. I still don’t want to discuss politics. Never that.

PRO: You lighten the mood wherever you go

Hey! Yeah, it’s Monday. It’s the worst. Let’s go down to the local Walmart and sing Disney karaoke to every person we meet in the frozen food section.

CON: You’re terrible at funerals

I know that Hozier sang, “she’s a giggle at a funeral”, but nobody likes that. No one can put the fun in funeral. This extends to crying as well. My humor cannot reach those who are weeping. Just ask anyone in my family. That’s when I extend a 10 foot pole to comfort them.

PRO: Your wit helps you out of tough situations

Tension is uncomfortable. Luckily, a few quips can grease the wheels. Once the opposition sees how quick you are on your feet, they are bound to back down (still working on a few folks whose faces are permanently angry). Who knows, they might even want to be part of your entourage.

CON: More than once you’ve crossed the line

You know when you’ve really dealt out a zinger, but nobody laughs? Yeah, me too. That kid you were poking fun at for picking his nose in class is standing right behind you. Better yet, the entire audience just stares at you and your joke falls flat. SORRY THAT MY HIGH BROW COMEDY IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU.

PRO: Anybody can be your adoring audience

That kid behind you in line at the concession stand? Probably listening to your offbeat commentary on how George Clooney’s Batnipples singlehandedly killed Alicia Silverstone’s superhero career. Hey, even that classmate thinks you’re a riot and starts to follow you on Twitter (@theonlybolt).

CON: Sometimes you want to be left alone

I’m sure you’re thinking, “GEE, WHAT AN INCONVENIENCE TO BE LOVED BY SO MANY.” Hey, even Britney Spears needs some down time, okay? It’s okay to take a day and hollow out a canoe so that nobody can bother you. Ron Swanson is an inspiration to us all.

Chelsea Bolt is an Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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Here I Am, Let Me Be: Chelsea Bolt

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I can’t tell if I’m lazy, or just don’t like being told what to do. I want to do things my way, in my time, and create something. Then again, I like to have some money. Alas, I have to work and keep up with society (at least a little bit).

Just because we have to function in society doesn’t mean that we have to be a dull, gray cog in a big corporate machine. Do what makes you happy and you’ll never work a day in your life. That’s what they say at least. I know it isn’t something that we can all have the luxury of doing, but there is beauty and individuality that we can all bring to the day. Take a moment to appreciate the life and freedom that you do have. Not all people are given even that small token. Make the most of every moment and work like you mean it. Strive to become the best in your field, encourage others to challenge their limits.

Motivation can make all the difference in completing the most mundane (painfully necessary) tasks. Reward yourself for completing these tasks balances the terror of being an adult. I take at least an hour to watch Netflix (Jane the Virgin anybody?) after getting off the phone with the internet service provider (God bless them and their patience with the general public). Maybe I’ll even eat a giant slice of pizza if I need it. If the real world gets a little too heavy, I may even just take a hike to get away from it all. People can live without internet, it has been done before; shout out to my grandparents who are still resisting dial-up.

Perhaps the most valuable thing is to find yourself. Who are you when no one is looking? Become best friends with that person and share them with the world. Loving who you are and sharing that love with a world that severely needs some compassion will make all the difference. Don’t give up; love and happiness are strong forces that cannot be broken.

Chelsea Bolt is an Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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DIY? Because You Can – Chelsea Bolt

531253_2711451522926_97376076_nIt’s summertime. You know what that means? A summer job. So here I am, working at a hardware store. Why a hardware store? Why not take a job related to your major? Valid questions, mom. I have a plan, I swear.

I like to consider myself a handy person. Oil changes, broken toilets, laying hardwood floor, and crafting a lightsaber are some of the talents I have acquired over the years. If something’s broken, I’m stubborn enough to refuse help so that I can fix it on my own. This stubbornness has resulted in the occasional accident. Thankfully I still have all of my fingers.

While I say that DIY is something I’m passionate about, I understand that not everyone has the knack for it. This is most certainly something I have learned during my first few days meandering the aisles of a hardware store. Even I am befuddled when someone comes in asking where the ¼” double axle PVC glue is, and the best part, which I would recommend. This is when I realized I’m not an expert. There is always more to learn. Being willing to learn from others is mandatory in the hardware store. You have to be an effective communicator to get an idea for how the project would best be completed. Granted, not everyone wants to get advice from a college girl, but hey, that’s why we need feminism. {Beyoncé’s entire Lemonade album plays joyously in the background}

So here’s my challenge to you: step out of your comfort zone. That may present itself in a manner of ways. You could hollow yourself out a nice canoe, or you could simply talk to that person you’ve secretly thought is the coolest human being in the world. Go for it.

Chelsea Bolt is an Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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Going Pro(crastinator): Chelsea Bolt

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Me casually sleeping on a stack of band-aids. Not sure if it’s poetic, or if it even makes sense here.

It’s 11:00pm on Thursday. I have just completed one of the many papers that set the tone for Finals Week. The most terrifying part? I spent the better half of the day playing the opening song to Robin Hood on guitar, watching YouTube videos about cooking pastries with fancy cooking appliances I don’t have, and most importantly, avoided writing a paper in APA format until about an hour ago. I’m fine. I guess I’m just a pro procrastinator. It’s a talent and a curse. I always seem to finish assignments on time, but I just can’t seem to plan to work on an assignment until the deadline is threateningly close. What can I say? I like to live on the edge.

Finals week is extremely overrated. Maybe it is more important than I give it credit for, but eh. I just don’t have the patience to worry about it. If I haven’t learned what needs to be learned by now, I never will. That may seem like I don’t value learning, but I truly do. I consider myself a wealth of unnecessary knowledge. Naturally, I opt to occupy my time with other activities. This may include binge watching the entire series of Parks & Recreation, which surprisingly got me threatening looks in the library. Shocker. Another pastime I have adopted is throwing my nauseating amount of cheery optimism onto every zombie-like person I see on campus. My favorite form of doing this is singing a random Disney song to a friend as they walk to one of their finals. I still don’t have shame. If at least one person smiles, I’ve done my job. Do me a favor this finals week season, take a deep breath and stop harshing my mellow. Or better yet, sing a song to someone if they’re having a rough day.

I swear that I take my education seriously. Stay in school, kids.

Chelsea Bolt is an Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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Weird is an Understatement: Chelsea Bolt

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For some reason at varying points in my life, I allow my freak flag to fly. This is not to say that I am a normal person all of the time, keeping my weirdness trapped in a cage, but rather, I feel more comfortable sharing all of the wonderfully strange quirks that make me who I am at specific times. Usually, a person has to know me for a few hours before I just jump right in quoting lines from great films such as Sweet Home Alabama and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. However, sometimes I find that I just can’t keep all of my thoughts and witty remarks to myself.

As I have gotten older, I have rid myself of any sort of filter. My philosophy is: better to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Recently I have decided that people generally embrace my weirdness or at least give it an awkward laugh. Those awkward laughs fuel my fire. I tend to believe that any laugh means that I am a comedian. My witty remarks and commentary usually generate sweeping judgments which span from “that girl who brings up Star Wars in almost every class”, to almost being nominated in an alternative superlative for “Most Likely to Have a Moonshine Still”. Something that I have gotten over in 8th grade was the ability to care about the negativity in these judgments. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.

A life lesson from middle school I will never forget: don’t be afraid to be different. I was consumed with the idea that all people should like me. My solution to that was to become a cookie cutter version of those uppity, yuppie, middle school girls that I loathed. I still can’t believe that I wore that many tight shirts with giant logos on them from stores like Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch. I’m glad I finally accepted my weirdness. I now build lightsabers, create GIFs, film short comedy videos, construct boomerang launchers, sew a fly Supergirl costume, learn to play a banjolele, talk about John Williams’s brilliant compositions, and I don’t give a flying fig about why people think that’s weird. I do, however, appreciate when others enjoy my quirkiness.

Chelsea Bolt is an Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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Why it’s So Terrifying to Grow Up: Chelsea Bolt

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Hello world. Leave me alone. Don’t make me a cog in a machine. Please don’t make me complete mundane tasks. What? I can’t wear my Superman cape here? Really? I can’t just sing a song as I walk down the street? I don’t want people to think I look angry everywhere I go. Can I smile? I just want to be a kid. Let my imagination run wild.

The world is knocking on my door. I sit in my Star Wars t-shirt, hiding in the dark, hoping it’ll give up and leave me be. I can only keep this charade up for a few more years. Graduation is quickly approaching and professional development is rearing its ugly head. I had to go and buy teacher clothes. UGH. I am not a fashionista, but for the love of all that is well and good, is there a better way to know what to wear? Women’s fashion strikes fear into my heart. I never know what it in season or out of season; I still like to wear a denim jacket regardless. The only way I could manage to survive the trip was to sprinkle in a few ugly seasonal sweaters to amuse my future students, God bless their souls.

Let me be clear, I am not immature. Never have been. I respect people and don’t belittle anyone for my amusement. That’s not what I’m trying to keep going. I am fighting for wonder and imagination. Reckless love. All the things that make childhood great. Those powerful investigations in order to understand the beautiful wonders of the world are worth chasing. Giving up just because money makes the world go round, the thought makes my stomach churn. I am not saying that living as a struggling artist is ideal, but it is still okay to dream. Dream for a better tomorrow or imagine what you could do to change even just one person’s life.

Love is another thing we seem to lose as we are swallowed up by this world. Remember that kid that was your best friend in grade school? You know the one, the one that stood up for you, the one that laughed with you, the one that loved you. Chances are, you loved them too. Remember how much you cared? That dog. The dog that captured your heart before you even knew how much a canine and a kid could love each other. Why do we throw away that love when we grow up? It’s better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all. Love. Laugh. Be a kid.

Chelsea Bolt is an Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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Womanhood: The Fear of Being Who You Are- Chelsea Bolt

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It’s the twenty-first century and women have made strides regarding equality and raising awareness about how capable and inspiring they are in society. This creates a more positive environment for strong women in the world, allowing for women to be heard in ways that seemed impossible in years past. However, there are some opponents on either end of the feminist spectrum forcing not only women, but human beings, into being with them or against them. That is not how we should approach this; we should encourage each person to contribute to their community in the best way possible and to follow your moral compass.

The public perception of feminism can be extreme, which can be sort of frightening to some. The idea that a woman is either home in the kitchen or working fifty hour work week protesting the patriarchy is laughable. The homemaker is not betraying the feminist ideals. We should not condemn one person, but rather give them the tools to make an educated decision so they can find their own happiness. Help each other, don’t fight each other.

Recently, I have been indulging in quite a bit of movie and television watching (or Netflixing). That’s nothing new or interesting, but I have noticed a trend in my watching habits. I am drawn to a particular genre of film and show. Netflix has deemed this category as “Shows with a Strong Female Lead”.  Shows like Ally McBeal, Supergirl, Agent Carter, Jane the Virgin, and Veronica Mars grab my attention me because I can identify with the lead character so much. I have been deemed a hopeless romantic like Ally McBeal, genuinely believe in the goodness in people like Supergirl, know my value like Peggy Carter, maintain my faith (both in love and in religion) like Jane Villanueva, and of course am the dogged journalist (in high school at least) like Veronica Mars. I encourage everyone to find an awesome set of shows that have a cast that is both relatable and inspiring.

The movie industry is slowly taking woman and taking them from damsels in distress and making them into heroines who may/may not have romantic ventures. THIS IS FANTASTIC. I am a twenty-one year old woman and I have already chosen Rey from Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens to be my Halloween costume for next year (it’s January). WHO SAYS HAVING A HEROINE WON’T MAKE A BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE? Also, after years of who knows what, the Wonder Woman film has finally been greenlit. I am absolutely giddy that Wonder Woman is finally going to make her movie debut. Wonder Woman is THE American feminist icon. We are ready.

After having all of these great moments of excitement and being able to identify with these strong, independent women (who may or may not need a man) I have seen how important media representation is for not only young girls, but for all human beings, everywhere.

Chelsea Bolt is a Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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When Friends and Family are Near- Chelsea Bolt

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As the year draws to a close, we tend to take time out to reflect on the last 300 or so days. It can be encouraging to see all of the great accomplishments that have been achieved or a time of inspiration to never, ever have a year that awful again. For those lucky enough, there are people surrounding us around this time of year. This may include family, significant others, or even that weird fellow that lives across the street. Perhaps the most important folks to be around are your friends. They are not limited to one type and they may be blood relation or from distant lands. Thank goodness for all of these friends we have the opportunity to meet, hang out with, and create new memories with.

Friend from Elementary School: Thanks for being there when we had awesome end of the year parties and calling me on the landline telephone every school night to talk about nothing and everything.

Friend from High School: Thanks for not being so caught up in the status quo and still hanging out with me even after I order stupid beverages (i.e. Pineapple Dr Pepper)

Friend that you worked with, but never see anymore because you live far away and still send Gifs to: Thanks for being generally awesome, challenging me to be a better person, creating memories with me, and understanding how I function as a new adult

Friend that is also related to you: THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING THE PEOPLE WE ARE RELATED TO AND NOT BEING CRAZY

Friend that is your parent: Thanks for raising me and being a parent first and a friend second

Friend that you live with and annoy with your loud tooth brushing habits: Thanks for not killing me and being such an understanding person, I know I can be hard to live with at times

Friend that goes along with your antics: Thanks for not writing me off after I stopped being socially acceptable around you

Friend that thinks I never think about them: I do. I still know you exist. I am still your friend and time will never change that.

Honorable Mention Friends: You are awesome too.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Tell your friends.

Chelsea Bolt is a Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites: 

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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Be Thankful, You Ungrateful…: Chelsea Bolt

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In a matter of days, most of us will be in a car travelling to Grandma’s, or worse, mother-in-law’s house to gobble up some turkey. Deep fried, baked, or tofu, there is bound to be a turkey there. Wouldn’t it be a strange American Thanksgiving tradition if we agreed with Benjamin Franklin on making the national symbol a turkey? Would we… no, too far. Bald eagles are majestic. Good call, Founding Fathers.

Let’s take a moment to think about what Thanksgiving means. It is a classic American tale that chronicles the trials of the pilgrims that travelled across the Atlantic to the New World. This was the land that promised a better life; a utopia. Little did they know that the New World would present such challenges with the weather, sickness, and their lack of survival skills. Thankfully, the Native Americans in the Plymouth Rock area were willing to assist and teach the newcomers all about their world. This peaceful and symbiotic relationship allowed for the first Thanksgiving to take place. People from different worlds were able to come together and work towards a brighter future.

Take this holiday to be thankful. Do not be ungrateful. We are blessed. Look around and appreciate all that you have rather than wishing you had more. The world can be a dark and dreary place, but if we open up our hearts and try to help others out, even if we don’t see eye to eye on every single detail, it can make a difference. Make someone laugh, be a shoulder to cry on, offer some of your time, because at the end of the day, it is not about what you have, but about what you offered.

Chelsea Bolt is a Indigo Sea Press author of the young adult novel Moonshine. For more information check out these sites:

https://theonlybolt.wordpress.com/

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chelsea-Bolt/689158317846614

https://twitter.com/theonlybolt

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