Today, I had an “IT’S All About Me” day with my hairdresser/nail tech/friend, Ashley. She’s actually younger than my son, but wiser than the Dalai-Whoever. When asked what was bothering me, I blurted, “I feel abandoned.” Ashley was juggling me and another lady who was getting hair color and needed time for her color to “cook.” I had come in for a hair trim and color and nail refill, so while the lady’s hair was baking, and my color was setting, Ashley was working on my nails. She looked me directly in the eyes and with her most tender attention asked me why I felt abandoned.

A tear leaked out of my right eye before I could stop it, but I bravely explained that only last month I had lost my next door neighbor, Nellie, and last week my very good friend, Natasha passed away. Before that, it was Bruce, my girlfriend’s husband; Marianne, my best friend and neighbor; Nate, my financial advisor/quasi brother; Michael, my ex-husband and good friend; Barry, my pal from Atlanta; Dawn, my artist friend. I took a deep breath to start on some more names when Ashley said, “You’ve had more than your share of troubles lately.”

The leaky right eye turned into floodwaters, as Ashley handed me a tissue, and my voice turned squeaky as I tried to tell her that I knew as I aged, I would expect that friends and family would die, after all I am a senior citizen, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

I told her about endless years I’d nurtured others, all the while wondering if there would ever be someone there for me when the time came.

About that time, Ashley said she needed to check the other lady’s color and she would be right back and everything would resume being “All About Me.” That turned out to be good because it gave me a moment to recover. I’m not used to wallowing in self-pity. I’m usually the stiff-upper lip kind of gal.

When she returned I was already feeling better. She sat and said, “Okay, I’m back. Go on.” I said I was really feeling alone; I have a son, but he has his own problems. I don’t want to add to his burden, but I wish he’d share more of his life with me. I feel left out of it, which makes me feel alone. She told me I have her. That’s true, I agreed. We share each other’s problems. Is it because we’re female and gals do that? She even told me I could come to her house for Thanksgiving if I’m going to be alone this year, and we could be thankful together. How sweet.

Gee, I’m already thankful and I feel better. I have wise Dalai-Ashley. And I’ve decided, sometimes it’s okay to feel just a little sorry for ourselves, for our losses. Thank you, Ashley.


Coco Ihle is the author of SHE HAD TO KNOW , an atmospheric traditional mystery set mainly in Scotland.

Join her here each 11th of the month.


Filed under life, musings, writing

11 responses to “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

  1. There’s nothing like a good cry x Sometimes I put on An Affair To Remember just so I can get it all out! Take care x

  2. What wonderful ladies you both are, and what a lovely post.

  3. Susan Coggins

    You may temporarily feel abandoned but remember God is with you thru everything. It is ok to cry and have a pity party every now and again. It purges the soul. As they say, “growing old isn’t for sissies” and how true it is. Losing friends and other loved ones is one of life’s most difficult trials. I talk with God every day asking for strength and good attitude and I talk to Bob all the time and occasional conversations with others who have passed away. It always makes me feel better. You are in my prayers for peace and healing. You are a very strong woman, no doubt about that! And you will remain strong even with these temporary lapses. God bless Ashley for being on hand when you needed someone.

    • You are so right, Susan. God is good! I don’t normally share sadness issues in my blog posts, because we all deal with those and usually we need something to bring us up, but this time I thought I’d lay my feelings on the line and see what kind of responses came through. First thing this morning, my son phoned me to say he’d read my post and wanted to hug me. I was so touched. We pledged to share with each other more, not just the good times, but the difficult ones as well. We are so much alike and have the tendency to handle situations alone.

      I do what you do, too, talk with God and with my beloved departed friends and family. You’re right, it is comforting. I know you speak from experience having lost your loving long time spouse. I think of you often and pray for you, too. Let me know if you need an Ashley ear. Bless you and thanks for your support. Hugs!

  4. Kathy

    That’s a lot of sadness an loss for one person to have in such a short time. It’s good that you got out and took care of yourself. You never know where God will take you next and who He will put in your path. God Bless you on your journey…

    • Thank you so much, Kathy. After I had my micro “It’s all about me” moment, I felt better, and now I can look for something or someone else to see if I can be a blessing to them. That’s what’s most rewarding.
      Thanks for stopping by and for your comment! Have a great week.

  5. robert wagner

    I love it that you were comfortable sharing with Ashley and she had the sensitivity to understand how devastated you were. I think we all need someone, sometimes, to cry on, to help fill a void, even if only momentarily. It says a lot about you and your depth of feeling and compassion that you were not only able to bring Ashley into your emotions, but also that you could write about it here.

  6. Pat Gordon

    Heartwarming story, Coco. God works in strange ways. He put Ashley in you path to lighten your burden. And He put you in my path when I needed a shoulder to cry on last year.

    • Bless you, Pat. Thank you for your kind words. I believe what you said about Ashley being placed in my path, and I’m trying to be more aware when God sends me His messages. I haven’t always had sense enough to pay attention.

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