Above is a painting I started a few weeks ago. It is not finished yet, but as I continue to work on it and change things around I realize how connected I have become to it. I got the idea of this painting from a dream I had. In the dream this young girl was looking at me when I realized it was not me, but my purse she was eyeing. I suddenly felt as if I was being stalked and that this girl would try to rob me. I looked her in the eye and she backed off and left. I wondered to myself “what does this mean?” After much thought I realized that the girl in the dream was not the issue. It was me and my purse (or possessions that that the purse represented in my dream). As I pondered this dream, I felt sorry for the girl who was seemingly desperate and appeared to carry a lot burdens in her life. My life seems quite easy in comparison. Upon further consideration, I realized that we all have burdens in our life and some people even help carry other people’s burdens because they are so heavy and overwhelmed by them. Reminds me of Simon of Cyrene in the bible who took on Jesus’ burden and helped him carry his cross. Simon of course was not asked but told and obeyed regardless. Back to the girl. I could feel her need to meet her needs by any means possible, but when we looked eye to eye, she chose not to. That made me wonder why. It was then that I realized that I had been that girl along time ago. Desperate to be able to meet my needs but to do so without hurting others or myself to get to the place where I could meet my needs and survive. Not only survive, but actually thrive! Fast forward to today, as I contemplate my life during a bout of illness that has left me unable to busy myself as I usually do, I lay on the couch coughing and hacking to clear my lungs. I look around me and see lots of stuff. Some stuff I like and some I would like to get rid of but I’m too tired to actually do it. I think of how blessed I am and how my life was turned around for the better. But is it really better? Or maybe I’m just stuck right now waiting to go in another direction that is calling me? Maybe a better and higher direction than where I came from. If I go in that direction, I feel it will be on a path that serves other peoples needs instead of my own. After all, I have all my basic needs met and to go down a new path that would take me to a better life than this, would require me to do things differently and with a different focus other than myself. Maybe the girl in the dream saw my potential when she looked in my eyes and maybe I saw hers. After all, people can change and they should! Otherwise a stagnant life would only lead to a stagnant mind going nowhere thereby leading one to literally rot inside.
Seasons come and go and they change. I feel a new season on the horizon just waiting for me to embrace it. Who knows where it will take me? I hope to a better place because even though my life seems pretty good right now, it won’t stay that way forever. It will either be better or worse. So now, in my season of discontent with my life, is when I should be making plans to change some things. Purposeful decisions that will lead me to a higher calling, a more fulfilled life. A life where others matter more than me. Where I can climb higher with one hand up and my other hand reaching down to help another up. I believe this season of discontent is to make me so uncomfortable that I simply must move to get out it. The direction I move in is up to me. I think I would like to move in this world to make it a better place for others, others who carry heavy burdens all alone by themselves and to give them a helping hand along the way. Who knows? Maybe one day they too will be able to pay it forward.