Blurb critique

I’m trying to furiously finish/polish my “Middle grade” book, and would love any and all opinions on its blurb. Is it something you think your eight – twelve-year-old would like to read? Don’t be shy!

Here goes:

Nathan and Nina transport to Cloud Seven after finding magic vials that belonged to their grandfather. Cloud Seven, a history-changing training station, gives the twins a task: travel back to 1963, Papua New Guinea, and save a cancer-curing plant from extinction.

Success has a high stakes payoff that could reunite their family…

To all the mothers out there: Have a wonderful day tomorrow!

Regards,

Lucy Balch, author of a historical romance set in Regency times –

Love Trumps Logic

6 Comments

Filed under writing

6 responses to “Blurb critique

  1. I don’t know about the attraction but the first sentence seems like it would be better like this: “After finding magic vials that belonged to their grandfather, Nathan and Nina transport to Cloud Seven.”
    And I might want to know just a little more about the two kids, their age and are they maybe twins?

  2. Reblogged this on calebcash and commented:
    I absolutely enjoyed reading this story… Happy Mother’s Day…

  3. The last sentence, I think, would be confusing to me if I were an MG reader. Perhaps you might say something about what failure means; and you hadn’t said anything about their family needing to be reunited.

  4. I agree with Mickey that you might put the vials first.

  5. lucybalch

    Thank to everyone for the critiques. It’s very much a work in progress!

  6. Yes, either Mickey’s suggestion, or “are transported” seems to have a better flow.

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