Don’t Read This Buhlog by Noah Baird

I still don’t want to write a buhlog.

My book, Donations to Clarity, isn’t selling well. Let me rephrase that: My book isn’t selling. I’ve been trying everything I can think of to generate some publicity. Some how start a ground swell that will eventually form a surfable wave. Right now, a ripple would be nice. I don’t understand it. I have more fans on Facebook than I have sales. How the does that work? I’m a fan of Bob Marley on Facebook. I also buy Bob Marley’s albums (and Ziggy’s). I consume the product he created; therefor I am a fan. I’m a fan of Californication (Free Hank Moody!). I watch the show; therefor I’m a fan. Noah Baird doesn’t have any other product; just a book. How can you be a fan if you won’t consume the only product? The only logical alternative is they are fans of Noah Baird, the person. Which is ridiculous. I’m not even house-broken.

Anyway, enough bitching. So, in a lame-ass effort to generate more sales. I’m hosting a contest. Because . . . well, I don’t know why. I know one reason is to get me out of writing this piece of dookie. The other reason is because, apparently in some universal equation I’m too thick to get, giving away books gets people to buy books. I guess it’s like if you donate a dollar, you’re supposed to get $2 back. Maybe all of the losers of the contest feel cheated and go buy the book. So, I’m hoping if I give a book away, I’ll sell 10,000 books. I’m not really sure what the karma conversion is for books, but I’m hoping it’s skewed in my favor.

So, in the interest of giving crap away for free — I’m hosting two contests! That’s right, kids: dos! And I’ll tell you why: coming up with names for characters is really hard. It’s not like naming a dog. I usually end up flipping through books and albums looking for a name. So, help me out:

Contest 1: Name a Female Roller Derby Player!

I need an original name for a female roller derby player. Here’s a link to The International Rollergirl’s Master Roster. These are the types of names I’m looking for. You can’t use one of their names. These ladies are professional athletes and will kick your ass.

http://www.twoevils.org/rollergirls/

Contest 2: Name a Bad ’80s Rock Band/Hair Band/Glam Band!

I need an original rock band name, circa late ‘80s. I want something so sleazy, so nasty, you’ll want to bathe in Purell and throw your keyboard away.

If I pick your submission:

– I’ll use your submission in an upcoming book (Unless I come up with a better idea later on).
– I’ll send you an autographed copy of Donations to Clarity. Complete with my own shitty signature. I may even write something witty in my equally shitty handwriting.

Now, if you win BOTH contests; well, I’m not sure what to do. I could send you two books, but what are you going to do with two of them? If you wouldn’t spend the money to buy one book, then you probably don’t need two. So, if you win BOTH contests I’ll send you:

– An autographed copy of the book.
– A pack of Bigfoot Breath Mints (I’m not making this up. They really exist).
– A sock. I was doing laundry the other day and one of my socks are missing. I’ll send you the orphaned sock! So, you’ll get a book, mints, and sock! Try to get that deal at Barnes and Noble!

Rules:
– The names have to be original.
– I can’t think of any other rules, so don’t do anything stupid that will get me into trouble.

Post your suggestions here or send them to secondwindpublishing@gmail.com. Don’t use that email address to send a bunch of spam and crap. I don’t need ground tiger testicle impotence cures. Send those to:

http://www.webslingerz.com/jhoffman/congress-email.html

If all of the submissions suck, I’ll use the book to balance out my nightstand, eat the mints, and give the sock to the dog to play with. I may give the mints to the dog. His breath is horrible. I know he licks his balls all day, but his breath shouldn’t smell worse than his balls.

I’ll announce the winner in the next buhlog.

Or — I have a crazy idea! Just buy the book! Then I won’t have to do this anymore.

***

Donations to Clarity: The plan was simple: hoax Bigfoot, then sell tours to Bigfoot enthusiasts. The plan wasn’t brilliant, and neither were Harry, Earl, and Patch. The three chemical-abusing friends only wanted to avoid the 9 to 5 rat race, but their antics attract the attention of a real Bigfoot. When the misogynistic Earl is mistaken for a female Bigfoot by the nearsighted creature and captured; it is just the beginning of their problems.

Between bong hits and water balloon fights, Harry and Patch come up with a plan to save Earl and the lovestruck Bigfoot. Where do you hide a giant, mythical creature? In an insane asylum, because who is going to listen to them?

Click here to read the first chapter of: Donations to Clarity by Noah Baird .

60 Comments

Filed under Contests, fiction, fun, Humor, writing

60 responses to “Don’t Read This Buhlog by Noah Baird

  1. Rod Marsden

    Good luck.

  2. The greatest success I’ve had in marketing is when I sent 500 letters to bookstores and libraries. I included a color copy of my book covers, a picture of me, and the blurb and reviews for each book. It generated 2 events a month for a year for me. Those contacts led not only to print sales, but a lot of e-book sales, also. And use clean language 🙂

  3. Consider the book bought. Great post.

  4. You are sooo right it’s hard work… I’m just enjoying my bloggin at the moment and connecting with people.. good blog by the way! Please have a look at mine!

  5. Hilarious, and my initial reaction to buhlogging. (Sounds scurrilous, don’t it?). And like the old guys on the “Congress of Wonders” comedy album:
    “Those were the days…”

  6. Honu

    Name your roller girl “Vergina Hamm”.
    The band could be “The Pud Muffins”

    I sold three books today!!!

    Honu

    • People haven’t read this book? I feel sorry for them. It was a very funny book. I have the perfect roller derby chikc name for you. I know it would be a winner, but I’m saving it for myself. Your band could be the Slit Lickers.

  7. Roller derby name: Slay Belle
    Band: Ostrich Toe

  8. I’ve read this book. The winner will be very happy, and if you don’t win, you have to get out and buy it, it’s a riot!

  9. Here are the submissions to date!

    Roller Derby Queen Names:
    – Jezebel
    – Chlamydia Jones
    – Verginia Ham
    – Slay Belle (I love this submission, but it is the name of a real player)
    – Turbo Skank
    – Sasquatch Snatch (aka ‘Sassy’ Snatch)
    – Crash test Donna
    – Skary Skate

    Hair Band Names:
    – Anal Cavity and the Keister Stashers
    – The Pud Muffins
    – The Slit Lickers
    – Ostrich Toe
    – Testicular Bravado
    – Gelatinous Spooge
    – Dysphoric Destiny

  10. Sue

    Rumbling Rita, Flying Frieda, Trailer Trash Tina, Terrible Tyree, Tequila Tornado, Smashin’ Susan, BadAss Betty.
    there are a few for you. . . .

  11. Sue

    BAND NAMES:

    Bad Hair Day
    Hairy Whos
    Beehive
    French Twist
    Tresses of Terror
    Buffoonery
    Boufont
    Brilliantine
    Greasy Kid Stuff
    A Little Dab’ll Do Ya

  12. I loved your book and I ‘ve told people about it. The fact it’s not selling.just means you haven’t killed anyone and gone on TV about it.

    Roller Derby Queen: Dominatrix
    Hair Band: Pussy Slits (girl band) whether that’s puss or pussy is for you to decide
    another name: Viral Jerks

  13. I seem to be having trouble accessing the website so I’ll leave my entries here:

    Roller derby player name: Bitchinator.

    Rock band name: Master Bater.

  14. Love this post! I actually made it onto a roller derby team but didn’t stay because the practice hours cut into my writing hours way too much!

    roller derby names: Red Tornad-Ho (if she’s a fiesty red head)
    Skella Whore
    Sweaty Betty
    Calamity Pain
    Princess Leia Ya Out
    Rosie Rampage (this would have been me if I stayed!)
    Jenna-cyde Jameson
    Sue Nami
    Juana Martini

    Bands: Sugar Rockets

  15. Surya Sunder

    The player name : Lillith Holderbecker
    Band name : Bloodstained strings

  16. A flood of new entries just came in! Remember to check your names against the International RollerGirls’ Master Roster (http://www.twoevils.org/rollergirls/). The contest winner goes to an original name.

    Roller Derby Queen Names:
    -Jezebel
    -Chlamydia Jones
    -Verginia Ham
    -Slay Belle
    -Turbo Skank
    -Sasquatch Snatch (aka ‘Sassy’ Snatch)
    -Crash test Donna
    -Skary Skate
    -Rumbling Rita
    -Flying Frieda
    -Trailer Trash Tina
    -Terrible Tyree
    -Tequila Tornado
    -Smashin’ Susan
    -BadAss Betty
    -Dominatrix
    -Bitchinator
    -Red Tornad-Ho (if she’s a fiesty red head)
    -Skella Whore
    -Sweaty Betty
    -Calamity Pain
    -Princess Leia Ya Out
    -Rosie Rampage (this would have been me if I stayed!)
    -Jenna-cyde Jameson
    -Sue Nami
    -Juana Martini
    -Lillith Holderbecker

    Hair Band Names:
    -Anal Cavity and the Keister Stashers
    -The Pud Muffins
    -The Slit Lickers
    -Ostrich Toe
    -Testicular Bravado
    -Gelatinous Spooge
    -Dysphoric Destiny
    -Stonewashed Suicide
    -Bad Hair Day
    -Hairy Whos
    -Beehive
    -French Twist
    -Tresses of Terror
    -Buffoonery
    -Boufont
    -Brilliantine
    -Greasy Kid Stuff
    -A Little Dab’ll Do Ya
    -Pussy Slits (girl band) whether that’s puss or pussy is for you to decide
    -Viral Jerks
    -Master Bater
    -Sugar Rockets
    -Bloodstained strings

  17. dana

    I don’t care to think of any names, but your post is so damn funny – I think I have to go buy the book! If for no other reason than to get you to stop your freakin’ whining! 🙂

    • Dana, Our Sacred Lady of Calling Me Out- You should buy two books for implying I’m a whiner and not grumpy and ornery. The book is funnier than the blog.

      • dana

        I don’t know you well enough to know whether you’re truly ornery or not, but let me read the blog a little longer and I’ll be able to render a verdict. I can’t wait to get my eyeballs on the book, I’m always in search of a great laugh. I may buy two…never know when I’ll need something to steady a piece of wobbly furniture while I’m reading.

  18. dellanioakes

    Wow I see some long lists above, but I hope my contributions are helpful. As far as I know, these names are original, but I’m not anal enough to research them all.

    Roller Derby players:
    Rabid Rachelle From New Rochelle Or just Rabid Rachelle
    Dive Bomb Dora
    Atomic Annie
    Lethal Louise
    Cut Throat Thelma

    Band names:
    Puss
    Lice Pickers
    Scabies
    Scab
    Vomitous
    Abdominal Swelling
    Diarrhea

  19. dellanioakes

    On a less repulsive side note, I do a Blog Talk Radio show twice a month. Would you be interested in being a guest? We Second Winders need to stick together! ~ Dellani

    • Dellani- Sure! You seem like a nice lady; I’m not sure you want me on as a guest. Have your people contact my people (I have no people for your people to contact- I just like to say I do sometimes).

      • dellanioakes

        Noah, I have no people, unless you include my 19 & 15 year old sons. Why would I not want you as a guest? Do you barf up green jello and fart in public? Are you ill equipped to carry on a conversation? You seem like an intelligent fellow and I’m always looking for cannon fodder…. er um… guests.

  20. I’m only going for the name. Try this out:
    Horror Moans

  21. G W Pickle

    OK here is a suggestion for the Roller derby Queen
    Junk yard Bitch or JYB.
    RollerBitch
    Roller Fang
    Madame Reefer
    Dusty Hole
    Debby Death

    The band names:
    Bubble Brains
    The BB’s
    Disco Dicks (everyone’s name in the band is Dick)
    Sunday Morning Sluts
    Saturday Night Kum On
    Bloody Nails
    Oatmeal Nightmares
    Drac’s Sluts
    Pee Can Rolls
    The Pee Pee’s
    Dykes and Dildoes
    Rubber Cocks
    Down home Holes
    That should be enough for now
    I hope one of these wins
    G W Pickle

  22. Yeah, I don’t get the whole concept of fans who don’t buy books either. More so of friends or family who don’t buy. They expect freebies and for you to be a best seller, how is that possible.

    My input for Roller Derby name: Shot Gal or, after a girl I know, Beretta Lyn #.9mm.

    Band: Knock Your Thongs Off or The Mullets or Creeping Vines

  23. The band is Metallica
    And the girl’s name is
    “Pystal”

    Jeanette Cheezum

  24. G W Pickle

    I Just thought of a couple more band names. I had to go do a quick job earlier.:
    Silicone Sisters
    Double D Destroyers
    LA Tramps
    Guts & Gory
    Bee Sting Babes
    City Titties
    Road House Whores
    2 Bit Whores
    Social Disease
    T P People
    Meat Cutter Bitches

    A few more Derby names:
    Bouncing Betty
    Cherry Bomb
    Sherry Cherry
    Della Dallas
    Stella Straight
    Killer Karen Kane
    Rattlesnake Annie
    Full House Freda

  25. Lasserator
    Perilous Pearl
    Auntie Maim
    Viv Vicious
    Strangler Rose
    Ghost Maker

    Band: Electric Vibrators

  26. Updated list.

    Roller Derby Queen Names:
    -Jezebel
    -Chlamydia Jones
    -Verginia Ham
    -Slay Belle
    -Turbo Skank
    -Sasquatch Snatch (aka ‘Sassy’ Snatch)
    -Crash test Donna
    -Skary Skate
    -Rumbling Rita
    -Flying Frieda
    -Trailer Trash Tina
    -Terrible Tyree
    -Tequila Tornado
    -Smashin’ Susan
    -BadAss Betty
    -Dominatrix
    -Bitchinator
    -Red Tornad-Ho (if she’s a fiesty red head)
    -Skella Whore
    -Sweaty Betty
    -Calamity Pain
    -Princess Leia Ya Out
    -Rosie Rampage
    -Jenna-cyde Jameson
    -Sue Nami
    -Juana Martini
    -Lillith Holderbecker
    -Rabid Rachelle From New Rochelle Or just Rabid Rachelle
    -Dive Bomb Dora
    -Atomic Annie
    -Lethal Louise
    -Cut Throat Thelma
    -Horror Moans
    -Junk yard Bitch or JYB.
    -RollerBitch
    -Roller Fang
    -Madame Reefer
    -Dusty Hole
    -Debby Death
    -Shot Gal
    -Beretta Lyn #.9mm.
    -Pystal
    -Bouncing Betty
    -Cherry Bomb
    -Sherry Cherry
    -Della Dallas
    -Stella Straight
    -Killer Karen Kane
    -Rattlesnake Annie
    -Full House Freda
    -Lasserator
    -Perilous Pearl
    -Auntie Maim
    -Viv Vicious
    -Strangler Rose
    -Ghost Maker

    Hair Band Names:
    -Anal Cavity and the Keister Stashers
    -The Pud Muffins
    -The Slit Lickers
    -Ostrich Toe
    -Testicular Bravado
    -Gelatinous Spooge
    -Dysphoric Destiny
    -Stonewashed Suicide
    -Bad Hair Day
    -Hairy Whos
    -Beehive
    -French Twist
    -Tresses of Terror
    -Buffoonery
    -Boufont
    -Brilliantine
    -Greasy Kid Stuff
    -A Little Dab’ll Do Ya
    -Pussy Slits (girl band) whether that’s puss or pussy is for you to decide
    -Viral Jerks
    -Master Bater
    -Sugar Rockets
    -Bloodstained strings
    -Puss
    -Lice Pickers
    -Scabies
    -Scab
    -Vomitous
    -Abdominal Swelling
    -Diarrhea
    -Bubble Brains
    -The BB’s
    -Disco Dicks (everyone’s name in the band is Dick)
    -Sunday Morning Sluts
    -Saturday Night Kum On
    -Bloody Nails
    -Oatmeal Nightmares
    -Drac’s Sluts
    -Pee Can Rolls
    -The Pee Pee’s
    -Dykes and Dildoes
    -Rubber Cocks
    -Down home Holes
    -Knock Your Thongs Off
    -The Mullets
    -Creeping Vines
    -Silicone Sisters
    -Double D Destroyers
    -LA Tramps
    -Guts & Gory
    -Bee Sting Babes
    -City Titties
    -Road House Whores
    -2 Bit Whores
    -Social Disease
    -T P People
    -Meat Cutter Bitches
    -Electric Vibrators

  27. Roller Derby name: Skeezy McFeely
    Band Name: I am going to write this in a decent fashion– uh– Come Spot– you can change the spelling of the first word in the title if you’d like. I can’t even believe I am submitting this! Definitely getting the Purell out…

    • Andreamkulman- I’m proud of you! These are good submissions! It’s okay to let your sleaze flag fly a little. It’s for art, right? Only the finest literature would have ‘cum spot’ in it.

      Your submission made me wonder about the origin of the word ‘cum’. Here’s what I found on dictionary.com (which must be correct because it’s a dictionary AND it’s on the internet):

      cum
      (v. and n.) seems to be a modern (by 1973) variant of the sexual sense of come that originated in pornographic writing, perhaps first in the noun sense. This “experience sexual orgasm” slang meaning of come (perhaps originally come off) is attested from 1650, in “Walking In
      EXPAND
      A Meadowe Greene,” in a folio of “loose songs” collected by Bishop Percy.

      They lay soe close together, they made me much to wonder;
      I knew not which was wether, until I saw her under.
      Then off he came, and blusht for shame soe soon that he had endit;
      Yet still she lies, and to him cryes, “one more and none can mend it.”

      As a noun meaning “semen or other product of orgasm” it is on record from the 1920s. The sexual cum seems to have no connection with L. cum, the preposition meaning “with, together with,” which is occasionally used in English in local names of combined parishes or benifices (e.g. Chorlton-cum-Hardy), in popular Latin phrases (e.g. cum laude), or as a combining word to indicate a dual nature or function (e.g. slumber party-cum-bloodbath).

      If ‘cum’ also means ‘with’; if you orgasm with your partner, do you cum cum cum?

      It’s funny that it sounds like ‘come’, because it’s not the spot you want to go to. I’ve learned that one should finish on their partner’s side of the bed so they get the spot. Unless you’re married. I think married people shoot for the center of the bed (pun intended). That way you get the demilitarized zone where cuddling is not an option.

      Do you need more Purell now?

  28. bloody shame Mame
    Mimi the Masher
    Bomb shell Betty
    Whoop ass Wilma
    Killer blond Amazon
    Krushin’ Kelly
    Loud Legs Linda

  29. Band name
    Hells Horny Hornets
    Satans Road Kill
    –Blasted Beaver Nuts–canadian band

  30. Roller girl: Racey Lacey
    Girl band: Legs Wide Slut

  31. Band Names:
    – Horny Toxicity
    – Incoming Cream
    – Below Anytime
    – Lymph Sponge
    – Dildo Paradise and The Textures
    – Reoccuring Urge
    – Bluffin’ Muffin
    – Spent Labia
    – Shaved Archives
    – Massage Trampoline

    • Kate! You just made me blow my drink right out of my nose! (I don’t know what the drink is called. I ran out of regular vodka so I’m drinking lemonade and cola flavored vodka. Don’t judge me.) In case you’re wondering, cola flavored vodka doesn’t sting the nasal passages as bad as regular coke.

  32. I sent my suggestions for Roller Derby girls by email but got a message to post here:
    Roller Derby girls:
    Demolition Diva
    Fireball Freida
    Sidewinder Sal

    Band names:
    Sewer Sludge
    Slithy Toves
    Sewer Trolls

    Cheers,

    http://nightreader-blog.blogspot.com/
    Twitter: @readerbynight

  33. LOL…I’m just glad it didn’t sting too much. I had a lot of fun coming up with sleazy hair band names! It was a fun exercise for sure.

  34. LOL… You are quite the character! Thank you for the in-depth explanation. P.S. I told my 18 year old son what I had submitted and he laughed hysterically. He couldn’t believe his mother would “put something out there- like that- for the entire internet world to see.” BAHAhaha… I ‘spose I’m feelin’ a bit sassy these days. ;~)

  35. Just signed up for a twitter account and I’ve tweeted. I shouldn’t have to write things like “tweeted” unless I’m referring to a bird. As in: that bird tweeted until I threw a rock at it.

    https://twitter.com/#!/NoahBaird

  36. Here are all of the submissions so far.

    Roller Derby Queen Names:
    Jezebel
    Chlamydia Jones
    Verginia Ham
    Slay Belle
    Turbo Skank
    Sasquatch Snatch (aka ‘Sassy’ Snatch)
    Crash test Donna
    Skary Skate
    Rumbling Rita
    Flying Frieda
    Trailer Trash Tina
    Terrible Tyree
    Tequila Tornado
    Smashin’ Susan
    BadAss Betty
    Dominatrix
    Bitchinator
    Red Tornad-Ho (if she’s a fiesty red head)
    Skella Whore
    Sweaty Betty
    Calamity Pain
    Princess Leia Ya Out
    Rosie Rampage (this would have been me if I stayed!)
    Jenna-cyde Jameson
    Sue Nami
    Juana Martini
    Lillith Holderbecker
    Rabid Rachelle From New Rochelle Or just Rabid Rachelle
    Dive Bomb Dora
    Atomic Annie
    Lethal Louise
    Cut Throat Thelma
    Horror Moans
    Junk yard Bitch or JYB.
    RollerBitch
    Roller Fang
    Madame Reefer
    Dusty Hole
    Debby Death
    Shot Gal
    Beretta Lyn #.9mm.
    Pystal
    Bouncing Betty
    Cherry Bomb
    Sherry Cherry
    Della Dallas
    Stella Straight
    Killer Karen Kane
    Rattlesnake Annie
    Full House Freda
    Lasserator
    Perilous Pearl
    Auntie Maim
    Viv Vicious
    Strangler Rose
    Ghost Maker
    Slather Skater Shania
    Annihilator Annabeth Baby
    Skeezy McFeely
    Bloody shame Mame
    Mimi the Masher
    Bomb shell Betty
    Whoop ass Wilma
    Killer blond Amazon
    Krushin’ Kelly
    Loud Legs Linda
    Racey Lacey
    Demolition Diva
    Fireball Freida
    Sidewinder Sal
    Scar
    Demolition Diva
    Fireball Freida
    Rockin’ Riley Rippin’
    Rampaging Cropduster
    Muffin Top
    Bethany Bringing IT
    Shake and Bake

    Hair Band Names:
    Anal Cavity and the Keister Stashers
    The Pud Muffins
    The Slit Lickers
    Ostrich Toe
    Testicular Bravado
    Gelatinous Spooge
    Dysphoric Destiny
    Stonewashed Suicide
    Bad Hair Day
    Hairy Whos
    Beehive
    French Twist
    Tresses of Terror
    Buffoonery
    Boufont
    Brilliantine
    Greasy Kid Stuff
    A Little Dab’ll Do Ya
    Pussy Slits (girl band) whether that’s puss or pussy is for you to decide
    Viral Jerks
    Master Bater
    Sugar Rockets
    Bloodstained strings
    Puss
    Lice Pickers
    Scabies
    Scab
    Vomitous
    Abdominal Swelling
    Diarrhea
    Bubble Brains
    The BB’s
    Disco Dicks (everyone’s name in the band is Dick)
    Sunday Morning Sluts
    Saturday Night Kum On
    Bloody Nails
    Oatmeal Nightmares
    Drac’s Sluts
    Pee Can Rolls
    The Pee Pee’s
    Dykes and Dildoes
    Rubber Cocks
    Down home Holes
    Knock Your Thongs Off
    The Mullets
    Creeping Vines
    Silicone Sisters
    Double D Destroyers
    LA Tramps
    Guts & Gory
    Bee Sting Babes
    City Titties
    Road House Whores
    2 Bit Whores
    Social Disease
    T P People
    Meat Cutter Bitches
    Electric Vibrators
    Terminateyou Gelly
    Cum Spot (The Cum Spots)
    Hells Horny Hornets
    Satans Road Kill
    Blasted Beaver Nuts–Canadian band
    Legs Wide Slut
    Horny Toxicity
    Incoming Cream
    Below Anytime
    Lymph Sponge
    Dildo Paradise and The Textures
    Reoccuring Urge
    Bluffin’ Muffin
    Spent Labia
    Shaved Archives
    Massage Trampoline
    Sewer Sludge
    Slithy Toves
    Sewer Trolls
    Shredder
    Well-Hung Heroes

  37. Arthur Cutler

    I imagined name of Cassidy Littleshaker as a derby princess;

    for 80’s band’s
    Won’t Money
    Minion Hunters
    Minion Slackers
    Slackers
    Slacking Offs
    Slak Off
    Millions Slacking
    Canon

    Canon sounds very obscurely 70-80’s and middle-late 80’s.

  38. I’ve been sick the last week, but here’s the submissions to date:

    Roller Derby Queen Names
    Jezebel
    Chlamydia Jones
    Verginia Ham
    Slay Belle
    Turbo Skank
    Sasquatch Snatch (aka ‘Sassy’ Snatch)
    Crash test Donna
    Skary Skate
    Rumbling Rita
    Flying Frieda
    Trailer Trash Tina
    Terrible Tyree
    Tequila Tornado
    Smashin’ Susan
    BadAss Betty
    Dominatrix
    Bitchinator
    Red Tornad-Ho (if she’s a fiesty red head)
    Skella Whore
    Sweaty Betty
    Calamity Pain
    Princess Leia Ya Out
    Rosie Rampage (this would have been me if I stayed!)
    Jenna-cyde Jameson
    Sue Nami
    Juana Martini
    Lillith Holderbecker
    Rabid Rachelle From New Rochelle Or just Rabid Rachelle
    Dive Bomb Dora
    Atomic Annie
    Lethal Louise
    Cut Throat Thelma
    Horror Moans
    Junk yard Bitch or JYB.
    RollerBitch
    Roller Fang
    Madame Reefer
    Dusty Hole
    Debby Death
    Shot Gal
    Beretta Lyn #.9mm.
    Pystal
    Bouncing Betty
    Cherry Bomb
    Sherry Cherry
    Della Dallas
    Stella Straight
    Killer Karen Kane
    Rattlesnake Annie
    Full House Freda
    Lasserator
    Perilous Pearl
    Auntie Maim
    Viv Vicious
    Strangler Rose
    Ghost Maker
    Slather Skater Shania
    Annihilator Annabeth Baby
    Skeezy McFeely
    Bloody shame Mame
    Mimi the Masher
    Bomb shell Betty
    Whoop ass Wilma
    Killer blond Amazon
    Krushin’ Kelly
    Loud Legs Linda
    Racey Lacey
    Demolition Diva
    Fireball Freida
    Sidewinder Sal
    Scar
    Demolition Diva
    Fireball Freida
    Rockin’ Riley Rippin’
    Rampaging Cropduster
    Muffin Top
    Bethany Bringing IT
    Shake and Bake
    Skanzilla
    Shiv A Shiksa- ( a bitter brunette jealous of her ex’s blonde shiksa mistress!)
    Honeybunch Electroshock
    Carrie Ann Ax
    Mary Hate Olsen
    Skatie Holmes
    Cassidy Littleshaker

    Hair Band Names
    Anal Cavity and the Keister Stashers
    The Pud Muffins
    The Slit Lickers
    Ostrich Toe
    Testicular Bravado
    Gelatinous Spooge
    Dysphoric Destiny
    Stonewashed Suicide
    Bad Hair Day
    Hairy Whos
    Beehive
    French Twist
    Tresses of Terror
    Buffoonery
    Boufont
    Brilliantine
    Greasy Kid Stuff
    A Little Dab’ll Do Ya
    Pussy Slits (girl band) whether that’s puss or pussy is for you to decide
    Viral Jerks
    Master Bater
    Sugar Rockets
    Bloodstained strings
    Puss
    Lice Pickers
    Scabies
    Scab
    Vomitous
    Abdominal Swelling
    Diarrhea
    Bubble Brains
    The BB’s
    Disco Dicks (everyone’s name in the band is Dick)
    Sunday Morning Sluts
    Saturday Night Kum On
    Bloody Nails
    Oatmeal Nightmares
    Drac’s Sluts
    Pee Can Rolls
    The Pee Pee’s
    Dykes and Dildoes
    Rubber Cocks
    Down home Holes
    Knock Your Thongs Off
    The Mullets
    Creeping Vines
    Silicone Sisters
    Double D Destroyers
    LA Tramps
    Guts & Gory
    Bee Sting Babes
    City Titties
    Road House Whores
    2 Bit Whores
    Social Disease
    T P People
    Meat Cutter Bitches
    Electric Vibrators
    Terminateyou Gelly
    Cum Spot (The Cum Spots)
    Hells Horny Hornets
    Satans Road Kill
    Blasted Beaver Nuts–Canadian band
    Legs Wide Slut
    Horny Toxicity
    Incoming Cream
    Below Anytime
    Lymph Sponge
    Dildo Paradise and The Textures
    Reoccuring Urge
    Bluffin’ Muffin
    Spent Labia
    Shaved Archives
    Massage Trampoline
    Sewer Sludge
    Slithy Toves
    Sewer Trolls
    Shredder
    Well-Hung Heroes
    Runaway Lipstik.(who’s name was given as a result of the lead singer’s chronically horny humping dog)
    Won’t Money
    Minion Hunters
    Minion Slackers
    Slackers
    Slacking Offs
    Slak Off
    Millions Slacking
    Canon

  39. This contest ends October 8th. There’s is still time to submit an entry. Pass it on to your friends.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s