Change, the only constant in life, the only thing I can be sure will happen. This thought has brought me hope during those painful times in my life. This same thought has also brought me fear in those times where I was happy and the last thing I wanted was change.
I’ve come to realize it’s not the circumstances or the changes that dictate how my life will go, rather how I handle those changes and disruptions. A change of consciousness can ease those painful changes and an acceptance of life’s twists and turns and cruel blows can lead to some peace in the face of pain and fear.
As with a character in a novel, I can stay stuck, or I can change to meet the challenge and incorporate an entirely new reality. The biggest changes I’ve had in my life were the death of my husband and the recent death of a dear and trusted long-time friend and roommate.
On the outside that person is gone, there’s no one there to share my life with, or my joy, or anything else. On the inside I find a New Normal begin to take shape. One in which I become my own best friend, one in which I live without that other person and fill that gap with, what?
Actually, I don’t even try to fill the gap that person has left. I cannot recreate what was, or find a substitute. So what is there? Change. I look around and tell myself, this is my New Normal. This is an opportunity to rebuild, better, stronger, and more solid than before. It starts with very small things. Such as, cooking a meal for myself and going to the extra trouble to make it special, as I would have made it special for my loved ones. Getting into routines where I spend a certain amount of time each day doing something I enjoy doing, like reading, or watching a soap opera, or renting a DVD. Working, getting up early and facing the day, facing my life and living it until it’s time to go to bed. And then thanking God that the day is over and I am one day further into my new life, and perhaps one day closer to change that will bring me joy.
Change – the only constant in life.
I look back at how my priorities have changed during my lifetime. I see how my likes and dislikes have changed. I acknowledge how I have changed as a person. Nothing is stagnant. Everything has a season. And there was no way I could have predicted the way my life has gone and the things I’ve experienced. It has been a marvelous journey, and it is not over. There is more change coming, I can feel it. And during the depths of my pain I realize that someday my happiness will be just as deep, if not more so. Change, the very idea of it gives me hope today.
Nancy A. Niles is the author of Vendetta: A Deadly Win, Lethal Echoes and is a co author on Rubicon Ranch.